Post by snowlady on Jan 17, 2008 15:17:33 GMT -5
For those of you who've been in snow, you'll understand. For those
who never have...you probably never will...after reading this. lol
Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler
December 8, 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I
took our thingytails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge
soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses
print. So romantic, we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every
inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more
lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've
ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy
again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the
snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the
driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!
December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My
neighbor tells me not to worry--we'll definitely have a white
Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have
so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow
again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man--I'm
glad he's our neighbor.
December 13
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to
-20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath
away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This
is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried
everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much
shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I
wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow
tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The
wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think
that's silly. We aren't in Alaska , after all.
December 15
Ice storm this morning. Fell on I disagree on the ice in the driveway
putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour,
which I think was very cruel.
December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to
stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to
irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit
it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm
freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20
Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of the d**n stuff
last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The d**n snowplow came by
twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said
they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the
only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and
they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're
lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and
bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more Inches of the
white nuts fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till
August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel
and then I had to take a leak. By the time I got undressed, took care
of business, and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to
hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but
he says he's too busy. I think the not a very nice person is lying.
December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted
me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she,
nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says
she did, but I think she's lying.
December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a
pregnant dog who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by
his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides
around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he
comes down the street at a 100 MPH and throws snow all over where
I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols
with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the
d**n snowplow.
December 25
Merry f---ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the d**n slop tonight
Snowed in The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the
snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I
hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad
attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch 'It's A
Wonderful Life' one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the
microwave.
December 26
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER
idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after
14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all
my pipes.
December 28
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The pregnant dog is driving me
crazy!!!
December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave
in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I
am?
December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me
for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also
for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went
home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.
December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8
I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving
me. Why am I tied to the bed?
who never have...you probably never will...after reading this. lol
Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler
December 8, 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I
took our thingytails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge
soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses
print. So romantic, we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every
inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more
lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've
ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy
again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the
snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the
driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!
December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My
neighbor tells me not to worry--we'll definitely have a white
Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have
so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow
again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man--I'm
glad he's our neighbor.
December 13
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to
-20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath
away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This
is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried
everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much
shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I
wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow
tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The
wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think
that's silly. We aren't in Alaska , after all.
December 15
Ice storm this morning. Fell on I disagree on the ice in the driveway
putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour,
which I think was very cruel.
December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to
stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to
irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit
it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm
freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20
Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of the d**n stuff
last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The d**n snowplow came by
twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said
they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the
only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and
they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're
lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and
bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more Inches of the
white nuts fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till
August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel
and then I had to take a leak. By the time I got undressed, took care
of business, and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to
hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but
he says he's too busy. I think the not a very nice person is lying.
December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted
me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she,
nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says
she did, but I think she's lying.
December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a
pregnant dog who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by
his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides
around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he
comes down the street at a 100 MPH and throws snow all over where
I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols
with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the
d**n snowplow.
December 25
Merry f---ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the d**n slop tonight
Snowed in The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the
snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I
hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad
attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch 'It's A
Wonderful Life' one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the
microwave.
December 26
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER
idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after
14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all
my pipes.
December 28
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The pregnant dog is driving me
crazy!!!
December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave
in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I
am?
December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me
for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also
for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went
home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.
December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8
I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving
me. Why am I tied to the bed?
